Closing a Chapter

When I got married, I moved away from Utah and I said goodbye to my career of being a classroom teacher with a classroom of my very own. I was THRILLED for the cause of my departure, but leaving what has been my world for the last 9 years was... well... hard.

HARD.

One of my rocking chair friends, who also happens to be a fellow teacher and is pictured above, also recently closed the door on her life as a classroom teacher to be a mom... ANOTHER wonderful reason for departure.

I remember reading a blog post that she wrote shortly after packing up her classroom. She described the feelings that brewed within her as she packed up that portion of her life. Wow... I don't think I could have said enough "Amen's" to her sentiments. She spoke of the battle of condensing years of grinding, molding and polishing into a few files boxes and how the really valuable stuff (the stuff that makes a difference) couldn't be given away. The valuable stuff is...

*quote*

"trapped somewhere in the universe of personal effort.  Sure, some of it can be imitated, but the rest can only be seared in the soul through one’s personal effort. So I was left with this beautiful, painstakingly and lovingly created masterpiece—this teacher—and nowhere to put her. She’s to be thrown into the fire, melted and crafted into something else, and for a little while the thought of it hurt... for a second I searched frantically for somewhere to put that teacher, or some way to infuse everything that she was into someone else, but it was impossible. She’s simply got to be remolded."

This is how I felt. I couldn't have said it better... (hence the quote)...

I put my heart, soul, blood and money into my occupation as a teacher. I worked hundreds, or more likely thousands of hours beyond contract time in my 9 years as an educator  and then I said goodbye all in one fell swoop, including giving away probably 75% of my "teacher stuff"... that literally was a compilation of my heart, soul, blood and money.

I was extremely lucky to get a fantastic teacher to replace me... one that I knew would love the kids and love her place as an educator. I even had the chance to mentor her as a student teacher before she took over.

However, it was hard to shake the feeling of being replaced. I started to wonder if I actually made a difference and what value I actually served in my slot as an educator throughout my nine years. Then I started to fear that I would just be forgotten like one forgets a five dollar bill in your jeans pocket.

Then a few different things happened that helped these fears finally be cast aside...

First... I got a letter from a student that was in my class my first year of teaching. She is is a senior this year and is nearing graduation. She thanked me for all that I had done for her as a fourth grade student and in no uncertain terms let me know that she cared AND had not forgotten me.

Then... I went to Utah. I was walking out of a movie theater with my family and I heard someone say.... "Hey Miss Jensen!" Seeing that I am no longer Miss Jensen and no one called me that anymore, I figured it had to be an old students. Sure enough, another one of my first year students (senior this year) stopped to talk. He knew me and I knew him (by name I might add) and we talked as if we were old friends. Even though he is now almost a foot taller than me and he hadn't seen me for all of the growing up years since fourth grade, he hadn't forgotten me.

Last but not least, I went to visit the school I just departed when I got married. I was a little nervous. I took Scott with me because the kids love "Dr. Scott."

The new teacher told the kids I was coming, but I was anxious to see how they would react. I walked into the front office upon getting there to see two of my prior students (twins) there with their mom. One of them was getting checked out. The mom turned and saw me and sighed with relief saying that her son was devastated thinking he had missed seeing me before getting checked out. I looked at this sweet, beautiful, wonderful little boy and he had been crying. He came over and gave me a big hug. Due to the tears, he couldn't even say anything, but he didn't need to. His face said it all. He had not forgotten me.

The class gave me a very warm welcome.

The smiles on their faces were all I needed to know that my years of grinding work and effort had not been forgotten, but as my rocking-chair friend afore mentioned, I couldn't infuse myself into a teacher who was to follow. That teacher had to be molded for themselves. However, what I came to realize is that I was figuratively fused into every students I ever had. I somehow transferred a piece of me into them. It was at that moment that I no longer felt the twang of pain that came with leaving what I loved. It was at that moment that I knew that it had all been worth it.

My life has moved forward. I find myself in a new station of life and I love that station. I love being a wife. I love being there to support my husband and serve him as he serves me. The best part is that I know the "teacher" that still resides inside of my soul will be able to again emerge when I have kids of my own.

I will no longer be dressing up as a mountain man, important historical characters, holding less than desirable reptiles or any of the others joys of teaching (at least not in my own classroom) but I'm okay with that. As that chapter of my life closed, a wonderful new chapter began.

Goodbye Miss Jensen and hello Mrs. Allen!